My Name is Meghan, and I click on Banner Ads.

SO I study Advertising Design at the lovely Ringling College of Art and Design, and I guess you could say I'm a fan of good advertising. I'm also a fan of strong strategy, and if there's one thing I learned last year it's this: Millennials really hate banner ads. I can't remember the percentage exactly, but I was doing some research last year for media planning and it was something like...99.2% of Women 18-25 highly dislike banner ads. The average click-through rate of ads on Buzzfeed is a little more than 1%, which is nearly 25 times higher than the average click-through rate of normal banner ads. So basically, nobody clicks on them.

Except for me. I click on all of them.

I'm pretty sure I am that 0.00000000000000025% of the population who clicks on ads that are blatantly sponsored ads. And it's not like they're even good ones, it's not something innovative or well designed that really deserves clicking on it. It's usually this:

Like, literally every time

Or some variation. There was a period of months where I'd click on the same ad of the same dress every time, then remember that the page was a maternity clothing website, then get mad and do the same thing like a week later. It really messed up the targeting of the ads I got because it seemed like I was pregnant.

I'm not really sure what makes me click on them. Okay well it's probably the dresses. I really like dresses. All of the dresses. But like, even things NOT about clothes or nail polish (Freakin' Julep can see into my soul, I swear), I'll find myself clicking on them. Like "HMM I WONDER IF I NEED AN ARCHERY SET????" It feels counterintuitive since I  LITERALLY STUDY THIS, but hey... look at this dress.

If you need me I'll be online window shopping.

How to: Pack

When you're a rising senior in college, there's one thing you've really mastered: packing for the summer. And when I say mastered, I mean "learned how to do haphazardly at best." Here's my guide on how to pack, the extended version. The abridged version goes as follows:

1. Believe in yourself. 

The extended version requires a bit of strategy. The first step is to pick up everything from the floor. The second you pick it up, you either have to put it in the trash, pack it somewhere, or put it somewhere really inconvenient for you to sort out later. I usually put things on my bed. 

Now that everything is off the floor you can take a second to be like "wow this almost looks clean". Good job. The next part gets tedious. Sort your things through a series of piles.  It really depends on the individual on this one. For me, 90% of my stuff gets put into a trash/donation pile. The remainder should be packed in a box that shouldn't be opened once full. 

Once you've packed a box, don't forget to label the contents of the box somehow. Earlier today my friend Carrianne looked at me and said, "I packed my tape in a box, but I need the tape to finish packing. I forget which box it's packed in." Do not be Carrianne. 

After you're done packing that box up, get it out of the room you're cleaning up/packing. Basically, just push it into some other room, so the room you're in has visible progress. It'll keep you motivated to keep going. 

So once you've gotten this all down you should be finished packing. Here are some tips I've picked up, at least for keeping your room to dorm-regulations, as well as general packing tips. 

1. If you're using command hooks and the tape doesn't come off, heat it with a hairdryer and use floss/string to peel the tape off your wall. 
2. If the blue tacky stuff for posters is stuck on your walls, a hot washcloth and faith will get it cleaned.
3. When packing for short distances, forget spacebags. A trash bag with a vacuum and some quick reflexes is just as good. 
1. I mean I don't really use spacebags because they're expensive, but they will seal in the air forever compared to a trash bag that will last for a few days. I usually use the trash bags for flights.
4. Personal rule: If you haven't looked at/used it in at least 3 months, get rid of it. 

So there you have it. I personally like to wait to pack until the very last second and then through a burst of energy accomplish it all at once, leaving you with several hours to just wait with your packed things and think "yeah this worked this was fine", but it's up to you.

BONUS: I tried to find a video example of using trash bags to vacuum-seal your stuff. I succeeded:

But I also found a lot of videos of people vacuum-sealing themselves into trash bags. Don't do that that seems like a really poor decision.

Saying Goodbye.

Tomorrow, the class of 2014 will be graduating. I plan on volunteering at the event, even though the volunteer shirts are long-sleeved and it's supposed to be a high of 91°F tomorrow and I might actually, literally die.

My job tomorrow will be a "Front Entrance Outside Greeter", which means I'll be one of the first faces the lovely attendees of tomorrow's event sees, casually overheating in a green long sleeved-shirt. I've been practicing my enthusiastic greetings for about an hour, so I know I'll be really prepared to show the spirit of RCAD tomorrow. Right now it's something like "Hello welcome to THE THING GrADUATION OH GOD I'm gonna miss your SON/DAUGHTER/FAMILYMEMBER/FRIEND SO MUCH". So yeah, I'm working on it.

I've never been to a Ringling College Graduation, so I guess this will help prepare me for what to expect next year. I'm probably going to cry, because I'm very good at crying and will sometimes tear up due to making prolonged eye-contact with people. I don't know that's just something that's going to happen.

So to the Graduating Class of 2014: Don't go. I'll miss you all. 

Hahahaha, just kidding not really!!!!! Go out there and live your lives. Blog about it, and tell other people to read my blog as well. Also keep reading my blog. Also don't leave.

Okay, well. See you around.

Well that wasn't a good story at all

Things that make me nervous: Professional E-Mails

I won't deny this: I can be a bit of a panic sometimes. I have a tendency to overthink things a lot, and I'm usually a worst-case scenario kind of girl. In my defense, I've been in some pretty strange situations.

When I was little I had a very overactive imagination. I'd think to myself "What if the whole floor was just covered in bugs right now that'd be so scary hahaHAHA". And then my mom would find me perched on the highest thing I could climb freaking out about the concept of bugs being everywhere.

That was a weird tangent that's left me freaking out about bugs, when this post is supposed to be about e-mail etiquette, which literally always sets me in a panic. Is there a science for how to write e-mails? Let me just say, if someone wrote a guidebook on when and how to write a follow-up, they'd probably make a lot of money provided they're marketed properly.

Now of course it's different when you know the person, or the e-mails are casual and quick. My friend sent me a message of a file and I replied with "ya' beautiful". But when I get messages from like, potential internship opportunities, or professors, the pressure is on at a level beyond that of a surgeon. In this moment, I have to use my mind grapes to place words in an order that sounds like a casual professionalism. If you've read these blog posts you'll know I've got the casual down, but the professionalism not so much. 

"Should I address them by their first name? Or maybe I should go professional. How do I sign this e-mail? "Hugs and Butterfly Kisses" won't cut it in this situation. Oh god how long has it been since they sent this e-mail? When should I follow up? Do I follow up the follow up? Wait, should I thank them for thanking me for thanking them? WHY IS THIS HAPPENING." -Actual Thought Process when receiving emails.

This picture really speaks to me.

It's weird too because, I think in about 90% of the time, I would never speak with such careful consideration and maturity to whomever I'm writing to if it were in person. And they wouldn't speak to me this way either. Maybe one day I'll try speaking ONLY in professional follow-up tone, I bet I'd make a lot of friends that way.

I could probably write an entire paper on this topic. But not an e-mail.

On becoming a mermaid

When I was a kid, I always really liked swimming. My mom would laugh and call me her "little fish", saying if I stayed in the water too long I would end up growing gills and I'd never be able to leave the water. From that point on, it was my goal to grow up and turn into a mermaid. I'm pretty sure this is still a realistic goal.

This seemed to be perfectly rational, especially after watching the classic Disney Channel Original Movie The Thirteenth Year (1999) when I was six years old. If you're not familiar with this movie, get out right now because we clearly cannot be friends. I just told you this movie justified my childhood life goals.

BASICALLY, it's a heartwarming tale of a young boy whose mother was a mermaid, and for some reason (I think it was a cruel boater) she had to leave him on a buoy where a childless couple finds him and raises him as their own. That is, until he turns thirteen, where instead of hitting puberty things get weird and he turns into a mermaid instead.

My understanding of growing up.

So if you haven't seen the movie I really recommend you find it online and watch it. Dave Coulier (Uncle Joey from Full House) is the dad in the movie and a young boy turns into a mermaid like, what more can you ask for.

Now I realize this movie was a coming of age story where "becoming a mermaid" is an analogy for "becoming an adult" or at least, embracing the awkward life you start living around your thirteenth birthday. But at the time of the film's release, I was 100% certain this movie was a synopsis of what happens to adopted children when they turn 13. It all made sense, my mom was always saying this would happen when we went to the pool or the beach. She was preparing me for my destiny.

Now as I grew older I came to realize that no, I would not be a mermaid by my thirteenth year. The Disney channel had produced a cruel deception for aspiring mystical creatures everywhere. Now I'm left hoping that technology will catch up in the near future in order to make me a mermaid. Or a cyborg, I GUESS. 

Tips on Being an Adult: Cooking

I've reached a point in my life where I like to believe I make a very convincing adult. True, I was once at a Costco where the cheesecake sample lady told me I needed my parent's permission to take a sample last summer right after my 20th birthday, but in most circumstances I totally pull off being a mature adult.

STEP ONE: Convince people you're very good at cooking. 

When I was in high school, I really liked baking. Now baking is cute, but in order to be considered mature while baking you have to be like, REALLY good at baking. And that's not the goal here. The goal is to trick people into thinking "Hey, this girl is classy because she's good at making food" without actually having to put in any effort to it.  

The first thing you should do is cut up onions and mince garlic. You should do this even if you don't plan on using the onions or the garlic. It just smells so good that people will walk into the room and go "Oh what are you making? Smells good!!" They have no idea you have accomplished nothing.

Now that you've cut these onions and garlic, I would recommend cooking them, it gives the same effect as the first step, but adds the ambiance of a sizzling pan to the scene. Look at you go, ya lil' chef you.

After that, it relies on a lot of blind belief in yourself. I usually just saute a bunch of vegetables or add some form of protein, then make pasta or rice to go with it. Don't forget to season with a little bit of salt. If you're feeling dangerous throw a crazy spice in there as well, but be careful because that can really easily go wrong. People will be impressed literally 100% of the time.

TIPS ON COOKING:

I like watching shows on Food Network a lot when I have cable and realize I don't know what to watch that isn't on Netflix. One of those shows was called Worst Cooks in America, where Bobby Flay and Anne Burrell would take people who are really bad at cooking and make them really competent at cooking. For example, do not boil an entire chicken, because that won't work. Thanks Bobby Flay!!

Dream Team

But, there were a few episodes that I got quick tips that I use today. The most important one I think was flavor balance. It's like science: when you have something with a high base (like olive oil or butter), you should counterbalance it with something acidic (like vinegar, white wine, lemon juice etc.) If you're cooking and something seems wrong, just try adding a little bit of that and it usually fixes the problem.

My final tip for you is the most important one: put sriracha in everything you ever cook.  The Oatmeal did a post about sriracha rooster sauce that really speaks to me. Even if the people you're cooking for don't like spicy food, add like...a little bit in there. If you're using the flavor balance thing, it can count towards your acidic counterbalance.

This entry essentially reveals my greatest cooking secrets, but it's for the greater good.

So rev' up those fryers, cause I sure am hungry.

No caption necessary.

Blogging is like, really hard.

Blogs really freak me out man. I like, don't think I get them.

What is it people expect from blogs?

When I was thinking about making a blog a few weeks ago, I was like "Yeah this is totally a good idea. I have so many crazy stories that I can write about wow!!!" But now I have a bunch of draft posts just kind of sitting around staring at me like "What was your plan Meghan?"

Nailed it.

Writing is hard, dude. I like to think of myself as a pretty good writer...of facebook statuses. And hey, sit me down for a conversation and there's a really good chance that I'm also highly proficient at communicating through that channel of interaction as well. But writing blog posts? That's like a science that I clearly haven't mastered.

Maybe part of it is the fact that I'm not the biggest reader around. Which is to say, I don't really read at all. I've always been more of a T.V. show kind of person. Not movies, no, specifically television shows. I used to read when I was younger, but that was the usual reading that you'd either be required to do in school, or Harry Potter. I do like reading textbooks though, but for some reason nobody ever seems as excited as me about it.

The other day I was talking to a friend of mine, Jack, who is a writer. The conversation went as follows:

Me: Hey Jack! What are you up to?

Jack: Going to go finish reading my book on writing for comic books.

Me: Oh, are you writing a comic book??

Jack: No, I just want to know how to.

I didn't even realize there were books specifically for writing comic books, but I mean I guess it makes sense? This entry kind of fell apart, but I opened with the fact that I don't know how to write so hopefully you'll forgive me. Maybe I should read a book about how to blog.

Perf.